I must confess that I have worried more in the last 4 months than ever in my life! Something about having a child, I suddenly have this overwhelming protective instinct that has kicked in. My biggest fear has become that something will happen to Graham. I know that this is in God's hands, so why do I worry? I especially worry of him dying of SIDS in his crib. For some reason, I constantly worry that he is breathing and now that he is moving around more, I fear him pulling a blanket over his face and suffocating. I KNOW that it doesn't do any good to worry...but somehow it makes me feel better to worry. I feel that if something did happen, that somehow I would have prepared myself slightly for this possibility. crazy, I know!
I just started reading A Call to Spiritual Reformation by d.a.carson. If you want a huge reality check on your prayer life and the sovereignty of God, than I highly recommend it. WARNING: beware of great conviction!
On one of the most convicting pages to me, he talks about the sovereignty of God vs. worry. I CANNOT say that I trust in the sovereignty of God AND worry at the same time. I am either trusting or I am worrying. Those are my only 2 options. So, by God's grace, I am working at the former and not the latter. (you can ask me how I'm doing too!)
Another reason this has been so helpful is because we're waiting to find a job for Andrew and housing in Pittsburgh. We REALLY want to be there by July 1st, but have had several closed doors. So, we wait. we trust. or is it worry? we have a golden opportunity to trust God here. We know that God has the plan laid out for us. In His timing, not ours, the doors will open. trust.
Some convicting quotes from the book so far...
If we seek God to answer our prayers without passionately desiring a deeper knowledge of God, we are selfishly running after God's blessings without running after Him.
We have forgotten how to pray.
Where is our delight in praying?
The reason we pray so little is because we do not plan to pray.
Our prayers reflect our priorities.