Monday, October 31

desperate.

I think I had said that Eden had gone back to sleeping through the night. False Alarm. I am at a loss what to do. She continues to wake throughout the night. Sometimes one time, sometimes two times. Could teething really be causing this for the last 2 months? She doesn't seem really in pain and she also seems fine during the day. Another thing that is frustrating is that when she's eating at night, she doesn't seem that hungry and so it makes me think it's not necessarily because she needs food. She also will not take a pacifier, is this girl particular or what? =) At almost 9 months I am boggled at why she cannot sleep through the night and why we have gone back & forth with this for 9 months. Another crazy thing is that she's completely inconsistent at when she's waking up. Sometimes it's as early as 9 or 10 pm, sometimes it's 1 or 2am, occasionally we make it to 4 or 5am.
So in the last 2 weeks I decided it was time to let her cry it out and see what happened. That's when we found out how determined she really was. :-/ One night she woke up at 9pm, and knowing she couldn't need to eat so soon, we let her go. For 2 hours she would cry and fall asleep, cry & fall asleep. I finally went to feed her, she literally ate for 2 minutes and fell asleep till morning. AGH. That was actually our best night of late. A couple of nights ago, she woke around 2:30 and cried solid for an hour & a half. I finally gave in. 2 nights ago she cried for 2 and a half hours (do you know how long that is?). Last night: major problem. This time when she woke up I knew I was too worn down to listen to her cry so felt like I don't care how many times she wakes up, I am just going to feed her so we don't have to listen to her cry. But whether it was because I am too stressed or tired or worn down, my body could not feed her. We are trying to get her to take a bottle and she just absolutely won't. This might have been the most discouraging time yet because I just wanted to get food into her so she would go back to sleep, and I literally couldn't. She eventually fell asleep until 6:30 and I was able to feed her then. For those who don't believe in the crying method, don't judge, I really truly love her. :)  But I feel utter desperation right now. I have never felt this close to post-partum blues, but it is really a struggle right now. I consistently get only 2-3 hours of sleep at a time and after almost 9 months, I feel at a breaking point. We go to her pediatrition next week and maybe he will have some insight. Is there a problem? I don't know. She seems fine during the day, she eats great, she eats until she's full.....I just don't know it could be.
I share for 2 reasons................not to be a cryfest, I am sorry if it seems that way, that's not my intention.
*I would like to know if anyone else has experienced something like this or if anyone has any ideas!
*And also, if you think of it, please uphold this in prayer. That I would trust God in His sovereignty during this difficult season, that I would experience His grace, and that I would have the strength to serve my family & those around me as I need to each day with the right spirit.
It has helped for me to begin to begin to view this as something that God has ordained for me. I used to think, well, you just do
X + Y = Z and then your kids sleep through the night and bingo, you're an awesome parent. :) But sometimes God ordains something differently and I am learning to trust in His plan.
 The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
 my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.
Psalm 28:7
You might also pray that maybe, just maybe, that we could get some sleep around here. =0

8 comments:

cranny + b said...

oh Kelly, I am praying as I type this! I hope that relief is just around the corner or if something is bothering her, that God will give the ped. wisdom to know what is going on. Praying for you!!!

kellyH said...

thank you Sarah!

Tim, Kristen & Megan said...

Kelly, I understand some what you are going through although Emily does is more predictable when she wants to be nursed. My second has been harder with nights as than my first as well. Emily started waking up between 4-6 every morning about 3 months ago. It did not matter if I fed her last at 8pm or if it was more 9ish due to church activities or whatever. She would wake up every night. I was just so tired that when she wouldn't go back to sleep, I would just nurse her and then she would go back to sleep. Then I was like we have got to stop this....she is now in a bad habit b/c I keep giving in and not making her cry through it. So we tried that too, but it was so tiring, and she would not go back to sleep. I would last 45 min-1hr and just give in and feed her so we could all sleep. A couple of weeks ago she started sleeping until like 6:45-7:30 or so. I was so excited that maybe she was passed the phase, but again, we are back where we started waking up between 5-6 am or so wanting to eat. I wish we could get passed this too but not sure what the best route is...so I don't have any advice for you other than too bad it was not just X+Y=Z and they sleep! Hope you get some good sleep tonight!

MiaB said...

Hey Kelly, So sorry you're going through this. These times are the times that it becomes frustrating being a mom. We also used the crying method, not fun at all. Both of my babies took it differently, Elena took a longer time with it and was more dramatic about it than Bethany was. Hope that encourages you to know that you're not the only ones who used the crying method :) I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.

kellyH said...

oh kristen, I am sorry to hear that, though I am glad I may not be the only one who experiences this. :) Hope Emily gets thru this phase for you as well! And thanks Maria for your encouragement!

Suzanne said...

I SO know what you are going through. Chase is 11 months and has yet to sleep through the night. I go through periods of desperation and then periods of just letting it go and accepting it. When Chase was around six or seven months I remember blogging about it and someone told me to just accept it. I did NOT like that answer. How could I accept it? My other two were terrific sleepers, so what's the deal? I wish I could tell you I figured it out, but I haven't. I have just decided to do WHATEVER gives everyone in the family the most amount of sleep possible - sleeping with us, feeding in the night, sleeping on the couch with Chase... really, I just do whatever I can to get the most sleep. And, I continue to pray. I pray that he will sleep, I pray for others while he is awake crying, all I know to do is to pray. I also remember that he is a baby, the third baby, and sometimes I think he just wants extra mama time. It makes it a little more bearable when I remember that the time will come when he doesn't want his mama anymore. So I hold him tighter, snuggle him in and try and sleep. I also take naps on the weekends, when Ryan is home. I have come to depend on Sunday naps - I couldn't make it through the week with out them. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I hope it helps a little bit.

The Lesters said...

HUGS! I am praying for you Kelly. If you ever need to vent you can call anytime. It sounds like you are doing everything you can do. I hope the pediatrician has some answers for you.

Melody said...

Kelly, I'm SO sorry you're struggling through this! It is such an awful feeling - the exhaustion is bad enough, not to mention the emotional struggles that a lack of sleep brings. I will definitely pray for you today and as God brings you to mind! #3 has been our most inconsistent sleeper so far :( I remember at 6 months being right where you are, but my pediatrician really pushed me on the issue. He told me to put Breck to bed at night, and to not go in there at all, no matter what, until the morning. :( But for us, it was summer, so we had some VERY loud fans going all night so I had no idea how much screaming went on ... doesn't that sound horrible? After a week, Breck slept all night. BUT ... we still have trouble with him being inconsistent in his waking times and randomly waking at night :( I am desperately praying that #4 will again be a consistent sleeper :) HUGS to you.